:( My daughter is 8 months old and my wife and I are "attachment parenting" and she is breast feeding. Since her birth I had been able to calm her down and 'parent her to sleep' at night, with only an occasional melt down. We recently moved requiring me to be gone for a little more that two weeks. When I finally joined my wife and then 6 month old daughter, there was nothing I could do to calm her when she was upset during the day or at nap or night time. My wife is ragged because she has to be the one to settle our daughter down and her patience with me is thin because I am useless. She also complains that I do fine until there is a problem and then she gets the screaming baby whereas I had the happy baby. I feel bad because when I am holding our waling daughter, her mother only has to take her to calm her down. We have started working on a few things to remedy the situation. I take over baths very often and feed her often (baby food, not a bottle, she doesn't take a bottle). I carry her a lot and put her in our Kelty Kids back pack for trips to the market or into town. I need some help. I'm trying really hard to be a good dad and husband but it just isn't working right now.[size=18:a040a658e0][/size:a040a658e0][size=24:a040a658e0][/size:a040a658e0]

[quote:9740feb01d="verbannter"]:( I need some help. I'm trying really hard to be a good dad and husband but it just isn't working right now.[size=18:9740feb01d][/size:9740feb01d][size=24:9740feb01d][/size:9740feb01d][/quote:9740feb01d] Hi. I might be mistaken, but I believe you might be looking for Dr. William Sears, the parenting/child PhD?. This is the forum for Dr. Barry Sears, the biochemist and nutrition author. Certainly you are on the right track by being involved with bathing, feeding and walking with her--especially given your recent absence. Hang in there!

Pancho: You are a sweet daddy and concerned, I can see you love your baby and your wife. I have a baby girl now 1 year old. ( I still breastfeed her) I had problems with crying and sleeping. We never let her cry , always rocked her and conforted her, but there were times she was awake for 13 times during the night. It was just crazy, and it was very unhealthy for her and for us. So when we went to the doctor, she asked us if we let her cry, we said no... And she said to my husband this was very bad for baby, and for me. She was always tired and cried more during the day, she send me to read a book, which I've got from the library, and that really changed everything. Now she is sleeping during the night. It was really hard for me at the beggining, but now I see this was the good thing to do for her and for us. Let me get the name of the book. I read two.. I can't find the title of that one but it was something about healthy sleeping habits. I read this other one that helped too "Guide to your Child's sleep" George H. Cohen. Your baby needs to cry... you have to let the baby cry, it will take some time and is hard at the beggining but it is very inportant for their health, because they need to learn to sleep by themselves, this will affect how she sleep for the rest of her life, for me it was very hard, but now I have a diferent baby, She just cries because she enjoys to be with mommy, ( I think it happens more with breastfeed babies) In the books they explain you have to feed the baby check everything is fine, and put the baby in the crib when he or she is very tired but not completely sleep. They need to be still awake and get to sleep there. At the beggining they cry a lot, but in about a week you will have a diferent life. Also is very important to put them to bed at the same time always, and to make them have their naps during the day at the same time too. I will look again to see if I find the title of the book, and will come back and write it for you. Believe me I do understand very well .My baby started sleeping well when we did this at about 11 months old!! your baby is younger, and she is already past 6 months, so she doens't need to be feed during the night,. If you and your wife get together in this one, it will soon be over and you will be more rested and happy as your baby and her development too. So smile!! you can ask your doctor, this is the answer. God bless, Sara

Hi again Pancho: This is one of the books I've read. and helped, I still can't find the other name of the other book.( As I said I still breastfeed my baby, I think they get more attached to their moms. they only need to learn) :) So cheer up! American Academy of Pediatrics guide to your child's sleep : birth through adolescence I didn't buy them I just went to the library. :) May I ask you a question? Are you Mexican? We are and my husband name is Francisco, so I wondered if you were his tocallo Have a great day!\

Hi there
I can completely understand your situation. I'm a mum of a now 2 year old. My husband and I are also attachment parenting - so I understand the huge demands this entails. I'm assuming that you've read alot of Willam and Martha Sears books, given you have decided to AP. I found it helpful to go back and look through them when times got tough. Remember that a baby who is crying and being held and comforted is not the same as a baby who is left alone to cry. The fact that you have taken over tasks such as bathing and feeding solids is a HUGE help to your wife. Believe me, I know how the smallest thing to give 'mum' a break is so important. You sound like you are doing an awesome job. Your daughter could also still be adjusting to all the recent changes...your move, your absence you mentioned, along with all the other things such as teething, etc. Remember also, that your daughter knows that you are very different from 'mum' and that you have your own way of interacting with eachother. We also used a 'swiss ball/fitness ball' (not sure what you call them). We bounced our wee girl gently on that which seemed to help. We also remember saying many times that 'this isn't working' and 'it shouln't be this hard'. The reality is, babies aren't easy (despite what we are led to believe). You and your wife sound like you're doing an amazing job. Your wee girl is so lucky to have you both

oh, I forgot to mention....have you had a look through the book "100 ways to calm the crying" by Pinky McKay? You may find some useful information there.
Take care